David McKillop

541 Days Road, Kingston, ON K7M3R8, CA

The Reclamation Project: The Value of Living Life at the Helm

Stories of life in an institution and the voices that closed them

David McKillop

I was born in 1950 and I was sent to live at Rideau Regional Centre when I was 4 ½ years old. I lived there for 20 years.

The doctors told my mom to put me in because I would never do anything or learn anything. She was told to put me in and forget about me. I didn’t hear from my family again until I was 16 years old. It was my father who decided to visit me and it was at this time that I met my brother and sister for the very first time. After I got out of the institution I started spending time with my family and still get together with them consistently. I didn’t speak to my sister for a little while because she called me “retarded” and I wouldn’t speak to her until she apologized.

Rideau Regional was like a prison. I was first put on a special ward to teach me life skills like getting dressed. I was then “passed” onto a ward named M3A where 50 kids all slept in one large room, with barely 6” between the beds. I was 8 years old when I was beaten up for the first time. I tried to report it to the head guy but I was told to let it go and act like it never happened. I got angry and threatened him but he told me if I hit him he would lock me up for 3 days. On M3A we were made to go to bed early. If we slept in we would miss breakfast. If we didn’t cooperate, staff would beat us. One nice staff would let me stay up late to play euchre and listen to music. At age 16 I was moved to the adult ward.

I remember one staff that I really liked. The music teacher would take me home to her place for holidays and during the summer. I loved music and was in the band and choir. I taught myself how to play the mouth organ and then many other instruments including guitar and keyboard. We traveled to Ottawa and Toronto with the band and we would play at the annual Christmas concert. I would even lead the choir.

At Rideau Regional I also played hockey, and was one of the best players. Another player was very jealous of me. One day he shoved me into the boards so hard that I broke my arm in 3 places and needed surgery at the hospital. I had to wear a cast for 6 months. Now I have arthritis where it was broken.

I also attended cubs and scouts at Rideau and liked it when we went to Christie Lake camp.

I went to school at Rideau but they would teach me the same things every year. After I left Rideau I went back to school in my 30’s and got my high school diploma.

I had a friend at Rideau, a boy named Roy. We would go out to the back field where we built a fort and would sit and smoke. I had a girlfriend who was also in the band. We would hang out and walk around together. We were allowed to visit each other whenever we wanted. She left Rideau and we lost touch. A secretary gave me her phone number and we spoke a few times but she moved very far away and we eventually stopped talking. I kept in touch with some friends after I left Rideau but now most have passed away.

I received a lot of abuse when I lived at Rideau. I remember walking to the kitchen for meals. We would have to walk in a straight line. If we got out of line, or didn’t listen, the staff would pull our hair. Other times we were punished by having to stand in a corner and hold a bucket of water in each outstretched arm for a long time. Sometimes we would have to stand leaning forward onto a wall holding ourselves by only 2 fingers on each hand for a period of time. We would also have to scrub large floors with a toothbrush which I was made to do for hitting a staff who pulled my hair. We would also have to walk around in a nightgown all day, in front of everyone. This was very humiliating to people. I would stand up for other people so I was hit a lot by staff. There was one male staff that was having sex with many female patients and many of them got pregnant. I think the babies were adopted out. A lot of people ran away from Rideau.

When I was 8 years old I went home with my music teacher. Her father kicked me in the ribs and groin and beat me up very badly. I believe this is why I was never able to have children and ended up with valve and heart trouble. Now I have a pacemaker. I tried to report him but nothing was done. I eventually told my father but he couldn’t do anything.

While I lived in the institute, I never had my own clothes. Every day staff would put my clothes for the day on the end of my bed. If anyone ever received clothing or shoes from their family they would be taken away and put in the general pile to share with everyone else. Shoes would be shoved on our feet whether they fit or not.

When the men were walking as a group to the showers they were forced to walk down the hall naked, in front of the women. The girls would look and joke. I would joke with my girlfriend and tell her to come with me but we were all very embarrassed to have to do this. When some of the female staff tried to speak up for us they were told to mind their own business. We were given baths twice a week. On the adult ward I could go into the bathroom after work to shower, alone. People, both staff and patients, would come in and take advantage of me. I was abused twice a week for the entire time I lived there. I was also abused in bed. I punished the patients who abused me but I could not punish the staff.

While I lived on the adult ward it would be my job to go to the young girls ward to clean. I also worked cleaning the classroom and the offices at the front of the building. I never received any pay. I would earn money by washing staff cars and getting money from them. I spent some time washing dishes at Rideau. There were shifts of dishwashers because there were so many people who ate 3 meals a day. The meal times were staggered and patients had little time to finish their food before they were told to leave. We all learned to eat very fast or our food was thrown out. The meat was usually steamed, including the turkeys for Christmas. The food was disgusting and we ate a lot of hot dogs.

I spent most of my time inside the institution. Sometimes on a Saturday I could walk into town but I had to be back by 11 p.m. I would spend my money in town or at the canteen. I started smoking White Owl cigars at the age of 15. Once a staff caught me smoking a cigar and he made me eat it. I got sick but I still kept smoking cigarettes even after I left the institution. Now I don’t smoke.

I had surgery when I lived at Rideau. I had a cyst on my arm and had to have surgery to remove it. They operated on it twice and butchered it so badly that I finally had to go to the town hospital to have it fixed properly.

When people died at Rideau the doctors on staff would do autopsies. The morgue was at ground level and they would leave the windows open. When I was out walking around the grounds I could see into the morgue while they were doing them. I heard rumours of people being beaten to death but it was always covered up. When people died, most of them were buried at the Smiths Falls cemetery on Highway 43.

There were MANY things that were A LOT worse but I can’t talk about them.

When I was 24 years old they told me to leave Rideau because they needed the space for someone else. They got me a job in Ottawa at the West End Village nursing home, near the Riverside hospital. I had a worker from Social Services who would send reports to Rideau about me. This lasted about 1 year. I then went out on my own and was discharged from Rideau. I lived with a family whose son I had met at Rideau. He eventually moved to a group home but he died in the bathroom. I lived with the family for 5 years and I still keep in touch with his brother. While I lived there I used to hitchhike and go horse back riding.

When I lived on the adult education ward I was told by a staff that I would never amount to anything. I told this staff that I would get a car one day. The staff laughed and said that if that ever happened he would eat the ownership. After I left the institution I got my drivers license at the age of 27. I bought a car, asked and paid for a duplicate ownership, and drove to the institute to show everyone. I showed the staff and he asked me if I was going to make him eat it. It was me who then laughed and said, “You bet I am!” He gave in and ate the ownership.

I met my wife Aileen at a People First meeting in Smiths Falls. It was love at first sight and we have been married for 14 years. We intend to renew our vows next year. Aileen was never institutionalized and she lived with her family. They moved around a lot as her father was in the army.

I now sit on the Board of Directors for Community Living Brockville. I am also very involved with People First, both provincial and federal. This year I became the president of People First Ontario. People First is still working on shutting down institutions in British Columbia and Nova Scotia.

If I can give one message to everyone reading this, it is to stand up for your rights, stand up to the government, speak up for yourself. Do not let people take advantage of you. Do not be afraid to tell your history and what you have been through. I would also tell the government to listen to us or we will beat you out.

I have got to stand up for other people!